Overcoming Negative Thinking with Self-Compassion: An Interview with Mary Claire McNair
Today, I have a fascinating and enlightening discussion lined up. I’m here with Mary Claire McNair, a mental health therapist who specializes in helping young adults navigate the complexities of life transitions, mental health challenges, and substance misuse. We're diving deep into the realm of negative thinking and exploring how self-compassion can serve as a powerful antidote. Take a look at our conversation below:
Beatriz
Alright, so today I am here with Mary Claire, and we're going to be talking about negative thinking and self-compassion as an antidote. But before I get started with any questions, I want Mary Claire to introduce herself. Tell us a little bit about what you do and the work that you do.
Mary Claire
Alright. Hi. Thank you, Bea, for having me. I'm Mary Claire McNair. I go by Mary Claire. I have a double southern name, so I am southern. I am an individual therapist practicing virtually. I see young adults, especially college-age adults, on everything from life transitions to anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and substance misuse. So that's pretty much what I work with.
Beatriz
Awesome. I'm very excited about today’s topic. When you and I started talking about doing this, you mentioned negative thinking and self-compassion as an antidote, and I just thought, light bulb. What an amazing concept. Tell us more about what that means. What is negative thinking?
Mary Claire
Self-criticism becomes like having a bully that we can't escape. Self-compassion is the antidote to this.
OK. Well, when it comes to negative thinking—and we all have it from time to time—it shows up when somebody cuts us off in traffic. We have thoughts about that and feelings. Our thoughts and feelings interact with one another, but we can fall into what I call thinking traps, which are habits that are more pervasive and last over time.
These thinking traps can be harmful to us in various ways. They can narrow and limit our view, cause us to react with intense feelings, and over time, undermine our self-esteem and self-compassion, leading to self-criticism.
We, as humans, tend to be harder on ourselves than on other people. So if we've fallen into these thinking traps, we're probably being harsh on others too, and then doubling that harshness on ourselves. Self-criticism becomes like having a bully that we can't escape. Self-compassion is the antidote to this; instead of being harsh and abrasive, we can learn to be more open, kind, and warm towards ourselves. This compassionate self can also extend to others.
Beatriz
Thank you. Now, let's talk about some examples of thinking traps. You mentioned driving, right? Someone cuts us off and everyone can relate to that scenario. But give us a few other examples of these thinking traps that we might fall into, often without even realizing it.
Mary Claire
Right. I'm glad you mentioned that we sometimes do it without noticing because we have this running dialogue in our head about what's going on in our environment. Sometimes it's a to-do list, sometimes it's thoughts about something that just happened or something we're anticipating. This running commentary can happen automatically and unknowingly, which we call automatic negative thoughts or ANTs.
Negative thinking often goes unnoticed because it becomes a habit.
These ANTs come marching in, not in a good way. They show up in our daily lives, often unnoticed because it becomes a habit. For example, when making our bed, if we accidentally knock our cell phone onto the floor and crack the screen, our thoughts and feelings about this can vary. A neutral thought might be, "Whoops, I forgot I put that there," but a negative thought might be, "I'm so clumsy," “I can’t do anything right”, leading to self-criticism. Over time, these thinking traps, such as catastrophizing, where we always assume the worst-case scenario, can have a cumulative negative effect on our mental health.
Beatriz
OK. You mentioned earlier that all these small negative thoughts can add up over time and affect us. How does that accumulation impact us?
Mary Claire
Absolutely. In the moment, these thoughts can lead to frustration, irritation, anger, or sadness. Over time, they can snowball into anxiety and depression. The cumulative effect of these thinking traps can be significant.
Beatriz
One of the things I focus on is learning about ourselves and being self-aware. So, once we identify these thinking traps, what do we do next? Do we challenge them? Implement strategies? What's the next step?
Mary Claire
Being kind to yourself means changing how you talk to yourself.
If you catch yourself thinking something negative, try changing it out for a more positive or neutral thought.
It definitely starts with awareness. Being curious about what's going on is crucial. Once you're aware, journaling about your thoughts can help identify patterns.
Recognizing these patterns allows you to intervene. Self-compassion involves changing the language we use with ourselves. If you notice a negative thought, replace it with a more positive or neutral one.
For example, if you think, "I'm always screwing up," replace it with, "Sometimes I make mistakes, but it's OK." This shift in language helps foster a growth mindset and self-compassion.
Beatriz
Right. And that's where self-compassion becomes the antidote to these thinking traps. Thank you. Now, let's switch a bit and talk about mindfulness. It's a big word and often misunderstood. What's the role of mindfulness in cultivating self-compassion?
Mary Claire
Mindfulness is another strategy that helps with automatic negative thoughts. Mindfulness is non-judgmental awareness of our thoughts and feelings in the present moment. It's about being present in the storm, not just being calm and Zen. Imagine you're behind a waterfall, observing your thoughts and feelings without engaging with them. Or think of it as sitting by a stream, watching leaves (representing thoughts and feelings) float by. You're aware of them, but you don't engage with them. This non-judgmental awareness helps us be kinder to ourselves.
Beatriz
I love that explanation. Now, what are some active steps people can take to practice self-compassion daily?
Mary Claire
Once you're aware of your negative thoughts, take a moment to pause and think of a kinder way to address yourself.
Imagine speaking to a customer in a service role or talking to a young child. We tend to be gentler with others than with ourselves. Visualizing yourself as a child and addressing that version of yourself with kindness can be helpful. Taking a moment during the day, perhaps at lunch or at the end of the day, to reflect and replace negative thoughts with positive ones is crucial. Compliment yourself and focus on your positives.
Beatriz
That's great advice. Is there anything else you'd like to share about thinking traps and self-compassion?
Mary Claire
Just be kind to yourself. You deserve it. We all have a negative bias by nature, so sometimes we need to make an extra effort to balance that with self-compassion. Think warm, gentle, and kind thoughts.
Beatriz
Thank you. Now, tell us, how can someone get a hold of you and your practice?
Mary Claire
Sure. My website is my name, www.maryclairemcnair.com. My email is maryclaire.mcnair@gmail.com, and my phone number is 504-608-0108. My website has information on availability, fees, and an email form for inquiries. I also offer a free 15-20 minute consultation to see if we're a good fit.
Beatriz
Thank you, Mary Claire. This has been very insightful. I'm passionate about this topic and I'm sure others will benefit from your insights. Thank you for your time.
Thank you for having me.
