Speak Kindly to Yourself: 5 Strategies to Improve Positive Self-Talk
Ever catch yourself saying things like: “I am not good enough, I never get anything right, I am so stupid for doing this, I should have known better…”? That right there, is our inner dialogue. Also known as self-talk. So what happens after you say these things to yourself? Do you feel happy? Excited? Overwhelmed? Sad? Probably the last two. That’s what happens when our self-talk is negative and unhelpful. We find ourselves on the negative side of things which impact how we feel.
Negative self-talk can contribute to a range of mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. When we consistently berate ourselves with critical and harsh thoughts, we reinforce negative beliefs about our abilities, worth, and potential. This detrimental inner dialogue can create a cycle of self-sabotage, limiting our ability to take risks, set goals, and navigate life's challenges.
Positive self-talk can cultivate resilience, boost self-esteem, and promote overall well-being. When we speak kindly to ourselves, offering words of encouragement and support, we create a nurturing internal environment that fosters a sense of self-worth and confidence. The words we choose to speak to ourselves have a huge impact on our ability to cope with stress, setbacks, and adversity, enabling us to approach challenges with a more optimistic and resilient mindset.
So how can we improve the way we talk to ourselves without feeling overwhelmed? Especially if this way of thinking has been going on for a long long long time?
I have 5 strategies that you can use to improve your positive self-talk.
Self-Awareness and Mindfulness: Cultivating awareness of our thoughts is a fundamental step in transforming self-talk. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and deep breathing, can help us observe our internal dialogue without judgment, creating space for intentional and positive self-talk. My recommendation is to intentionally set time during your day to notice your thoughts without judgment (a key part to mindfulness) and allow yourself to listen to what that inner dialogue is saying. I have short mindfulness audio (less than 2 minutes) that you can use to get started.
Challenge Negative Thoughts: Actively challenging negative thoughts is a powerful strategy for reshaping our inner dialogue. When we catch ourselves engaging in self-critical or defeating thoughts, we can question their validity and replace them with more realistic and affirming statements. One thing I often do is literally say the word STOP out loud (be mindful not to scream it at the grocery store). But I do want you to whisper it or do a hand gesture that signals the brain you need to actively stop the negative thoughts. Then ask yourself this question: “Is this thought valid, useful or empowering?” and if the answer is no. Then it's a negative thought….. But you might be asking, what do I do now that I know this is a negative thought, how do I switch it to a positive thought? Cue the next strategy.
Identify and use empowering and useful thoughts and/or affirmations: I am not a fan of affirmations or just positive thinking. I am a fan of affirmations and positive thinking that I can relate to, that are realistic, empowering and useful. The idea here is that you have a list of affirmations or thoughts that are empowering and useful for you, not just positive. For example, if my negative thought is: “I am not good enough at my job” and I switch it to just a positive thought like: “I am good enough at my job” it might be hard to believe it. So instead, I want to switch it to something realistic and empowering: “I am capable of doing my work because I have the skills, knowledge and dedication to my patrons, staff, etc.”
Self-Compassion: Practicing self-compassion, treating oneself with kindness and understanding, can help with our self-talk. Self-compassion is not about self-pity or self-indulgence. Self-compassion is about acknowledging our imperfections and mistakes without judgment, fostering a sense of empathy and acceptance toward ourselves. Its about treating yourself with the same care and concern you would a loved one or a friend, or your pet. Would you say those harsh things to them? Then why spend the energy in saying them to yourself.
Practice gratitude: This strategy is one that I practice but I need to practice more often. In the busyness of our lives we tend to forget how challenging situations can help us see lessons learned and opportunities for growth. Gratitude is all about shifting our focus from negative aspects of life to appreciating the positive elements, no matter how small. This shift in perspective enables us to reframe negative self-talk into constructive, empowering narratives.
By recognizing the impact of our internal dialogue and actively cultivating positive self-talk, we embark on a journey towards enhanced resilience, self-compassion, and overall mental well-being.
